Loco Viewpoint

I Don't Get It


    I don’t consider myself stupid (Cupcake’s view of my relative stupidity is irrelevant right now) but there is much in this world I don’t understand.  I’m not talking complex physics, rocket surgery or the mind of a woman, but more the bafflement I experience at everyday things. 

    For example, I don’t understand the purpose of those large stickers on automatic doors that say, “CAUTION! AUTOMATIC DOOR.”  Do we really need a sticker to warn us the door will open?  They aren’t exactly new technology. They’ve been around since their introduction on Star Trek in 1967. Even toddlers can figure out automatic doors and walk in front of the sensor over and over to trigger the mechanism. Stupid kids. Where are their parents, anyway?

    When encountering door caution stickers, it’s fun to yell “Look out!” as you grab your wife suddenly, then point to the warning as an explanation. Make sure to add, “Be careful, dear,” as she passes through the door. Okay, Cupcake doesn’t think this is so funny but it sure cracks me up.

    I also don’t understand the drive toward computerized, self-driving cars. Over the years, I’ve crashed my computer far more than my vehicle. I’ve also seen some of the insane directions GPS machines suggest.  I get that computers have lightning fast reactions with better sensory capability than any human. Still, they don’t know when to cut off a jerk trying to butt his way into traffic.  I get that humans screw up but it is just another loss of personal control to machines. Now where’s my TV remote?

    Speaking of computers, Albert Einstein said that the definition of insanity is repeating an action over and over, hoping for a different result. Sorry, Albert, but this is common practice in cajoling computers to bend to our will. There is no guarantee hitting the same button will always do the same thing twice. I’d have to say in this respect, Cupcake is very much like a computer except I’d never dare ‘boot her up’.

    Since I was a wee tad, I never understood people, well, not people, exactly, but teenaged and young adult males that “burn rubber” with their cars on unmonitored strips of pavement. Besides the obvious danger inherent in “laying a patch” is the loss of over a year’s worth of tread life. Are they going to try and get warranty replacement for ‘premature’ wear? That’s pretty hard to do with used tires they bought from some guy. That kind of waste is crazy. Unless it’s your dad’s car, of course. He has lots of money for tires.

    I also don’t understand gas pricing. Shouldn’t gas be, like, .50/litre now, given the collapse in world oil prices? I still don’t get how something worth $100 to everyone in the world one day can suddenly be only worth $50 the next. Did people suddenly decide they didn’t need oil anymore because we’ve all stopped driving cars and using plastic products?

    Mind you, I’m also confused at gas stations where a litre of gasoline is 89.9/litre currently while their bottled water is $1.99 for half a litre. I think we’re getting soaked.

    I truly don’t get the attraction of having a cell-phone. People are stunned when they learn I don’t have one; only an archaic ‘land line’ that nobody calls. (“Even homeless people have cell-phones,” I’m often told.) When I had a phone in the past, it was so Cupcake could track me and call at a whim to do her bidding.  The disappointment I felt when Cupcake washed her phone accidently and I had to give her mine was my greatest acting performance.

    Another confounding feature of life is the portrayal of outlaws as heroes in the popular media.  Outlaws are criminals, for heaven’s sake! Willie Nelson was portrayed as an outlaw but he was no more of an outlaw than any other millionaire aging pothead hippy (see also; Neil Young). I think Willie’s only crime was failure to pay taxes. Some outlaw.

    Speaking of marijuana, I really don’t understand the stance of the government or their minions at Health Canada. Carleton University estimates Canadians average 6700 alcohol-related deaths annually. Smoking kills a whopping 230,000 folks a year per Stascan. Marijuana, on the other hand, is impossible to overdose on, and has a death toll associated with its use that is near zero. Despite these facts, booze and smokes are legal and marijuana is not.  If that isn’t the biggest head scratcher, I don’t know what is.

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