Life's Doorway

The Big Reveal

It was a big moment in my life this last week as I finally introduced my new boyfriend to some of the most important people in my life; my church family. The church hosted a fall kick-off event and, while it may not have been the smartest move to fully immerse him into the deep end of my circle of friends all at once, that was exactly what we decided to do.

Well, I don’t know about you, but I always wonder if my friends will see all the potential and greatness that I see in my choice of dates. Maybe they’ll only see the nerdy side of him (which I love by the way, having grown up in a Star Trek-loving home myself) and think I’ve just gone mad. Or maybe they won’t think he’s up to par at all. What then?

And so, I waited and anticipated, and I tried to tell myself that my friends’ opinions are just that, their opinions. After a short afternoon with my beau, they’d never get to fully understand or see what I’ve managed to see in this man over the last six weeks.

It helped calm my anxiety over the meeting, but really got me thinking about how we judge. Not only that, but I get the sense in life that people aren’t always very aware that they do judge, and what criteria they use to judge, or even if that criteria fits with their own values.

Take my nerdy boyfriend, for example. He’s no suave, hunky man’s man. He’s quieter, introspective, and thoughtful. And he’s also incredibly selfless, loyal, protective, affectionate, transparent… well, I won’t go on, just in case he’s reading this and gets embarrassed. Needless to say, I’m kind of into him.

It’s strange, because I know I might not have had the same opinion of him just a few years ago. Back then, I would have worried too much about unimportant things like the kind of music he’s into, or his style perhaps. Now, I’m head over heels about how he picked up the broom at the end to help clean up! There’s nothing quite so attractive as a man who cleans.

The saddest thing to me is that people often overlook someone incredible, just because of some superficial qualities. Sure, it’s important to put your best foot forward, especially while trying to attract someone, but appearances don’t dictate how the person will treat you, or how they will be in a relationship.

Personal hygiene will tell you a lot about someone, like if they shower. That’s important. But their style might not be as big a factor as the world lets on. Some people have a unique style because that’s who they are. Others have a unique style because they only know who they aren’t. There’s a pretty important distinction!

Some people present one image on the outside, but are a completely different person on the inside. Being in a relationship with someone like that is a little like picking an orange that looks delicious and juicy on the outside, only to find hard or bitter fruit on the inside.

But spending the time to see how someone acts, how they treat you, how they treat others (like the waitress at a restaurant, for instance) and how they are with your friends and family is invaluable.

It can be too easy to judge and dismiss someone early on in the game without giving them a fair shot, and unfortunately in life, there aren’t always second chances. Just ask the girl whom my beau was seeing previous to me. I’m so glad I didn’t need a second chance to see at first all the things that make him a great catch, and someone I’m proud to introduce to my friends.




 
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