Life's Doorway

This is my Game Face

    I have been playing an inordinate amount of games on my phone lately.  Don't worry, I'm still an Angry Birds virgin, one of the very few, as I understand.  But I have been indulging in Bingo Bash and Candy Crush, games I had previously blocked on Facebook because of their inherent annoying updates.  And now, I've become a part of the problem.  I apologize in advance for asking you for bingo tokens.

Where did I go so wrong? 
    Well, it's all to do with how I handle stress.  Apparently, I'm a 'stress-gamer', meaning that I turn to games when stressed.  I suppose it's better than turning to food, which has been my default in the past.  And it really is one step closer to my life-long dream of becoming a 'stress-exerciser'.  That's a rare breed of person who turns to exercise when stressed.  Instead of downing chocolate, the 'stress-exerciser' goes for a 5k run.  It's a lofty dream, I know, but one I hope to attain someday.
    In the meantime, I've got my smart phone and am putting my dextrous thumbs to work.  Whenever I don't have an immediately pressing chore, I take a few minutes to play some games.  It doesn't help reduce my stress at all, and in fact takes up time I could be spending doing something productive to ease the stress, but it's all I can do to keep myself afloat lately and to guard some sense of my sanity.  
    I'm not sure if you've ever experienced it, when the level of stress has been so high for so long that 'break time' doesn't mean anything any more.  That's where I'm at.  I don't even know how to manage my time any more.  I have no idea where I went wrong, but these gaming trysts are one small way I manage to keep my sanity.
    I'm looking forward to the break at Christmas, when I'll head to my Mom's place in BC and not be responsible for anything except ensuring that I eat too much holiday food, watch more movies than I've been able to watch all year, and get some quality family time.  Of course, I'll tell myself that I'll keep up with my exercise routine, but we all know that the most exercise I'm going to get will be adjusting my position on the couch.  That will be some quality rest time!

    I've finally learned not to feel bad about it either.  I work hard 50.5 weeks of the year, balancing demands from work, home, friends, church, extra-curricular activities and the like.  Taking ten days off at Christmas and being lazy is just the reminder that I need to realize that I could never live that way again.  It's how I was raised, but it's not how I choose to live now.  
    I used to feel like such a failure around this time of year.  I would always have the best intentions of going home and maintaining my strict routine, only to be sucked in to a vortex of lazy.  It's like my mom's house defies the laws of physics! My limbs feel twice as heavy, and yet the fridge is half as far away as normal.  And everything is twice as delicious.  I don't know how she does it, but I think my mom has mastered some sort of butter, sugar, chocolate alchemy.  
    I made the terrible mistake of heading home around Thanksgiving this year.  It was so lovely to be there, but only afforded me the tiniest taste of what will be coming at Christmas: the family visits, delicious meals, total laziness, and those darn games.  My mom plays them morning and night.  And now, so do I.  It's kind of like a way to feel connected to her.  And maybe that's why I turn to them in times of troubles.  I associate my mom with those games, and my time with her as total relaxation.
    Quick!  Somebody help me find a way to associate sweets with stress!  If I could make that permanent tie in my mind, I think it would be more profitable than alchemy.  Imagine if Nanaimo bars induced heart-palpitations instead of delicious endorphins to the brain.  I'd be rich and thin!
    But until then, I'll continue to play Bingo Bash during my spare stolen moments and as a way to relax before bed.  And I'll annoy all of my friends on Facebook with requests for chips and power plays.  
    Isn't it funny the things we choose to do with our most precious resource: our time. 

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