My Prognostication

Pipestone Flyer

Vol 15, Issue 2, Leduc – Wetaskiwin Pipestone Flyer

As we officially get into this New Year the public is always beat over the head with predictions for the coming 12 months. Pundits try their best to impress us with the supposed ability to predict the future. Most times they are blowing smoke and could not predict which way the toilet flushes down under.

I recently read a prediction in a magazine, oddly enough, that newspapers will be extinct in 2020. Now before panic in the streets occurs, remember I heard that 20 years ago, along with the one about the paperless office. Paper is more popular now than ever before. So in keeping with that previous statement, here are my predictions for the New Year, and trust me, they are as accurate as my prediction that 8 tracks will make a comeback. 

1. Don Cherry will be exposed.  It will be revealed that beneath those wide collars and bad checkered jackets, Cherry is not human, rather a cybernetic robot sent from the future. What better way to destroy Canada than to attack and cripple our national sport with bad commentary?

2. Sarah Palin will become President. President of her own fan club. This is a woman who is living on Fantasy Island with Tattoo.

3. Premier Ed Stelmach will win the next election. This will happen because he will convince Stephen Harper to allow Calgary to become a new province. So there Danielle Smith, never count out Eddy to make the grand plays. Next he will declare himself the Grand Poobah and start wearing a big blue fur hat with horns on it. We will also have to start cutting holes in the floor boards of our cars and start driving like Fred Flintstone. That will solve the global warming problem and increase the sale of sack dresses because he will start dressing like he is from Bedrock. 

4. The truth about Sasquatch will come out. It will be revealed that Bigfoot is really just a short hairy guy with really big feet that never fit into main stream society. He is making so much money on the myth thing, he just never came forth with the truth.

5. The truth about UFO’s will come out. It will be revealed this was another government conspiracy to promote the growth of the weather balloon industry. It also helped the pharmaceutical companies because anyone who actually saw a UFO is deemed in need of medication. 

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