The First Edition of Willy

Pipestone Flyer

Vol 15, Issue 10, Leduc – Wetaskiwin Pipestone Flyer

Writing a column week after week can sometimes be a trying effort. I have to admire people like Chris McKerracher who always puts out funny stuff week after week. So my solution to this is to try and change up the material. So this week, I am going to unveil my new advice column called Dear Willy. (My middle name is William so this is an accurate title to use.)

Now first off I do not have a degree in psychology, counseling or anything like that so this column should be taken about as seriously as trying to get a cow to recite Shakespeare. 

Also keep in mind I will never try to offer serious advice to a serious problem so if anyone sends in an email looking for advice, you can only expect stupid comments from a guy who has a degree in being a jackass.

On to my letter of the month. Please keep in mind I just thought up this idea so I sent myself an email. Which is good in the fact I did get a letter but keep in mind who wrote it. 

Dear Willy: My girlfriend gets mad at me for eating greasy fried chicken in bed. She said I am a pig for doing this and I wondered if she is out of line for complaining in the first place. After all I like eating fired chicken in bed while watching Foghorn Leghorn cartoons. She also does not like me leaving the feathers behind either. Signed Lonely Drumstick.

Answer: Well Mr. Drumstick the fact that you would even question your girlfriend’s concern about eating fried chicken in bed makes me think you are not listening to her. Now I have to ask why you would eat fried chicken in bed in the first place. When your girlfriend talks to you, do you think it reminds you of a chicken clucking? Do you just mindlessly nod your head when she talks to you with a drumstick in your hand as you stare at the TV and wonder why you can’t hear the sound with her talking? You my friend are headed for trouble. 

The fact you see nothing wrong with your behavior should send a signal your goose may soon be cooked. And where do you get the feathers and why do you bring them to bed? The last time I looked KFC did not offer a side dish of chicken feathers? Do you motor up to the drive-thru window and instead of fries ask for a order of feathers?

The fact you have a woman in your life should tell you to hang on to her like grim death, which could happen soon if you keep eating greasy fried food in bed. Either she will beat you in the head with a deep fryer or you will keel over from a heart attack.

There are a lot of food choices you could make that may not offend your girlfriend and would also be  healthier for you. Try dry ribs, or maybe a salad. Or better yet, don’t eat in bed moron.  Now if anyone wants to send me a question, my email address is lanny@pipestoneflyer.ca.

Just Posted

Big concert coming to Winfield, County of Wetaskiwin this summer

County of Wetaskiwin CPO may have interrupted robbery in subdivision

The Crooked Lake School dates to 1898

Frank Lyft served as first secretary of the district

Let the Games begin!

Team Alberta takes home gold and silver in speed skating on day one

WATCH: Historic night in Red Deer as 2019 Canada Winter Games kicks off

Star-studded Opening Ceremony features athletes from across Canada

Athletes’ medals unveiled at the official kick-off of 2019 Canada Winter Games

Medals depict Central Alberta landscape and pay tribute to First Nations

‘Our entire municipality is heartbroken’: Seven children die in Halifax house fire

A man and woman remained in hospital Tuesday afternoon, the man with life-threatening injuries

Alberta’s Pascale Paradis earns bronze in 7.5 km Female Biathlon

Canada Games action carries through to March 2nd

Alberta investing $3.7B to move oil by rail, leasing cars

4,400 leased railway cars will move up to 120,000 barrels of oil per day by 2020

Make sure measles shots up to date, Public Health Agency says

Measles causes high fever, coughing, sneezing and a widespread painful rash

Alberta earns three medals in Long Track Speed Skating

Alberta now has 16 medals (6-5-5) and currently sits in second place of the medal standings

Payless to close 248 Canadian stores, saying it’s ‘ill-equipped’ for market

The company will begin closing stores at the end of March

Team Alberta takes exciting victory in wheelchair basketball, remains undefeated

After three games in the tournament, Alberta is sitting in first place of its pool

UPDATED: ‘Violent’ B.C. man back in custody after Alberta arrest

Prince George man with ties to Vernon was being sought by police

After a week away, SNC-Lavalin questions await MPs returning to Parliament

Two have resigned already: Jody Wilson-Raybould was veterans affairs minister and Gerald Butts was Trudeau’s principal secretary

Most Read