The parental zombie, or Mombie (Dombie, for the dads in the group), has recently been found to be an actual occurrence, according to an observational study performed by the author of this report. Symptoms include, but are not limited to, the following: flushed face with the skin around the eyes being abnormally pale (highlighting the deep dark circles in the delicate flesh under the eyes), extreme exhaustion (sometimes bordering on narcolepsy), brain fog, forgetfulness, nausea, emotional outbursts, random bouts of crying, crankiness, food cravings of the junk food variety, food aversions, forgetting to eat, forgetfulness, small humans clinging to various arms and legs, filthy clothing, general malaise, forgetfulness, etc.
Although it is not known what causes Mombie-ism, it is theorized that the symptoms begin after a brief interlude of perceived bliss, followed by nine months of increasing swelling, on the female parent’s behalf, followed by an intense episode of pain, which varies in length, and another period of bliss.
However, it must be noted that not everyone who experiences the final symptoms of this condition actually experience the causal symptoms. It has been observed that Mombies and Dombies have spontaneously emerged after the arrival of children via various routes of delivery. There seems to be a correlation between said children, specifically infants and toddlers, and the condition.
Treatment seems to be elusive, though, in many cases, a babysitter, several nights of sleep and copious amounts of caffeine seem to aid in recovery. It has been said that time helps, and, as the infants and toddlers age, the symptoms do appear to decrease.
The author has yet to experience this, so it is simply hearsay, at this point. Acquaintances of the study team seem to be suffering from Mombie-ism, to various degrees, and support is plentiful. Although patience has been observed to be adversely affected, love for the small humans seems to be enough to sustain life. Indeed, it has been noted that after several years, energy, vim and vigour does return to most Mombies/Dombies.
The conclusion of this study remains open, and the author eagerly awaits the return of said energy, vim and vigour.
Karen Huntley is a local wife and mother and writes a regular parenting column for The Leduc/Wetaskiwin Pipestone Flyer.